When I get asked the question; are you a pessimist or an optimist, I don’t really have an answer because I get called either one and I never think too much about it. But in the past couple of days I have been thinking about this question in deep thought and came to the conclusion that I am neither. When we think about an optimist we think of someone who always sees the positive side of something and is always putting a good light on people and when we think about a pessimist we think of someone who always sees the glass half empty and doesn’t settle for anything but perfect but what about the middle. Those who are pessimistic when it comes to other people but not when it is about themselves are called egocentric but when it is the opposite we usually don’t have a word because we either brand it as a mental problem like depression or the person is lying. As a person who is close to the middle of the spectrum I have always had the thought that maybe I do have depression or maybe I am lying to myself but that isn’t the case. Now if you ask me that question my answer will undoubtedly be self-pessimist.

I have always put myself in the darkness when it comes to life but I never do that to other people. I always have a positive attitude when it comes to other people for example if someone else wrote a song I would think it is perfect but when I sing it I have thoughts about how bad I sound and how everyone else could sing it better than me. You can call it whatever you want but I call it self-pessimist. My definition of a self-pessimist is a person who always sees the glass half full when it is someone else’s glass. It is like having an auto-focusing camera always in front of your face. I have always thought I lived my life under the light of others but I only been putting myself under that light. I may never seem like this in real life if you ever come in contact because I always say what I think other people want me to, I always believe what others believe, and I always act as if people are constantly judging me.

Why I labeled myself with this has been explained briefly above but a more clear answer would be it is the reason behind my obstacles. If you read my bio you would know that I described most of my obstacles as internal and I have a firm belief that they come from me being negative towards myself. I would hate to hurt someone else but I feel less emotions if I accidentally hurt myself. I have many problems stemming around me being self-pessimistic that I have began to truly hate who I have become and the choices I have made. I don’t concern others about myself because I don’t want to drag them into my darkness. I want others light to shine and I don’t mind delving into the darkness to do so.

In conclusion to answer the question optimist or Pessimist I will say self-pessimist as I always give people this bright light and I end up having non left for myself.